


Connor wants to die

by SpiritBloom



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 17:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7396102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritBloom/pseuds/SpiritBloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>connor has a bad time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Connor has a bad time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eldermckinkshame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eldermckinkshame/gifts).



"oh mr elder price im gay and i wanna die" exclaimed connor

"oh no what can i do to help" asked kevin 

"you can kill me" said connor

"k" 

then kevin slipped and threw his hardcover book of mormon on connor's head (with the corner edge part so it fucked up his head) by accident (he tripped)

"fuCK KEVIN IS TRYING TO KILL ME!" screeched the ginger with blue eyes as he died from blood loss

then arnold, naba and mafala broke through the door and put a bag over kevin's head and beat the shit out of him and threw him into the trunk of their jeep where it was like 130 degrees but he had an ice pack and also connor's cold dead corpse was there so he didnt die of heat stroke. arnold and naba ended up eating twinkies and giggling about star wars and kevin had to listen to them describe a horrifying reylo fic arnold saw in the darth vader/obi-wan tag on ao3. Kevin was mortified. then they drove to the police (which is 2 days away) and dumped kevin to the police and they put him in a temporary cell to question him. when the police questioned him they were like "what the fuck you killed your district leader boyfriend and the murder weapon was a book of mormon? that's a sin and you're sentenced to spooky mooky hoopy doopy" and he went back to utah and ate the salt from the lake in the city. on the plane there he was sitting next to connor and connor was like,  
"what the fuck why did you kill me" and then connor tap danced out of the plane's emergency exit and fell to his death (or did he?)


	2. Kevin had a bad time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh my connor had a bad time but did he really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im still not ok

Kevin woke up in sweaty sweat, clutching his mickey mouse plushie and Elder Mckinley body pillow sweatily and in distress. He accidently swallowed sequins from the anime-connor's complicately explained gold fabric-edged low v-neck button up tank top that he usually wears over his normal clothing after clapping the lights on and off (but on the pillow its connor with his rock hard 8 pack and his glittery v-neck button up tank top vest). Kevin gagged and realized that the previous chapter was just a spooky mormon hell dream, despite the fact that he is not Mormon anymore. Connor was next to him watching him with a knife. He was crying.


	3. Imagine A Depressed Onion Cutting Itself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still not ok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nope

As I was saying in the last chapter, Connor was crying with a knife in his hand. He was chopping onions for his pasta he was making for dinner. They were watching Bo Burnham on Netflix and Con had been thinking too much about the ending, while Kev ended up falling asleep half way through. He was on the couch and looked disgruntled in his sleep. This had Connor very worried, because he recognised the spooky mormon hell dream. When he was district leader all the other elders had spooky hell dreams all the time and he was basically the mom friend that comforted everyone because he too knows what its like. Connor wanted to wake Kevin up, but when he was about to he couldn't because the water was boiling over even tho he thought he didnt have the burner on (what a dumbass). 

"oh my god you're alive!" screeched kevin as he death gripped his boyfriend  
"yep"   
"but in my dream i thought you were dead because i stabbed you in the head with the book of mormon"  
"what the fuck kevin thats ridiculous we're not even mormon"   
"i know right!" he said as he licked his lips  
"kevin stop licking my lips" said connor  
"ok"   
then they kissed and kevin ruffled his hair because connor likes that and it's a cute couple thing they do and hes like two feet tall because he's a leprechaun.


	4. An explanation from Kevin the shitlord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what the fuck happened in the spooky wooky

Later that night after dinner.

"hey kevin?"

"yea babe?"

"what happened in your dream earlier?" Connor asked.

"oh. thought i told you earlier, guess i didnt. oh well. i accidently killed you with the book of mormon and naba's dad beat the shit out of me and threw me in jail while arnold was telling me about this weird story he found on some fanfiction site.. it was really cooky later because i had to fly back to salt lake and you were there? but you just jumped out of the plane and killed yourself! It was weird. Why would my messed up brain would come up with that?"

"don't worry honey it was just a dream and you can't control that stuff. I should know." he laughed uncomfortably while he had flash backs of a dream where he got fucked in the ass by hitler. (But he didn't tell Kevin this.)  
Then they went to bed and cuddled and didn't have sex because Kevin is asexual as fuck and doesn't like sex while Connor respected that.

then that was the end hot yow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 3 am why am i writing this

**Author's Note:**

> no im not ok


End file.
